I consider myself a smart shopper.

When I see merchandise on sale — products I use on a regular basis — I invest. That means when Price Chopper runs occasional “10 for $10” specials on ketchup, barbecue sauce or Italian salad dressing, my stock increases. Friends get a laugh — maybe a chill — when they see dozens of red soldiers waiting on shelves for action against hamburgers, chili or scrambled eggs.

Good thing they’ve never seen my bathroom cabinets. Thanks to aforementioned smart shopping, coupled with occasional $1 coupon binges, I have collected 30 boxes of toothpaste for pennies.

Most of it is Colgate — I like the “Luminous” line, advertised as a product that can reinforce enamel layers by rebuilding weak spots on teeth. With all the ketchup in my diet, I have to give my teeth all the extra help they can get.

Lately, I’ve noticed expiration dates. One of my tubes of Aquafresh Whitening “expired” in May 2007. It smells and tastes the same, but I’d hate to think I’ve got tubes of toothpaste rotting in my bathroom. I’ve got enough of that going on in the refrigerator.

I asked my dentist, Dr. Marshall Price of Guilderland, about this consumer predicament. He looked at the box and said sodium fluoride was the only active ingredient. He figured the fluoride, after a certain amount of time, loses some of its potency.

I thought I’d get an explanation from GlaxoSmithKline, the pharmaceutical company that owns Aquafresh. I called the toll-free number on the toothpaste box, and was shuffled to product rep “Samantha.” She was very helpful; she said the product may not be as effective after the stamped date.
“We don’t test it after that date, so we don’t know for sure,” she said.
She added that after the expiration date, the product may not taste the same as a fresh tube of Aquafresh. I thought that was kind of funny. Taste? For a toothpaste? Who worries about taste in a mouthful of sudsy fluoride?

I’m hoping my Aquafresh will keep at least some of its punch. And as long as brushing day and night does not dissolve my teeth, I’m going to keep the weakened tubes on my roster.

Most of my portfolio is Colgate, and I’m going to need it. Dr. Price informs me I am brushing too hard, and causing extra wear and tear on a few fangs. I wonder if even the formidable Luminous — at full, unexpired strength — can patch up my mistakes.

In the meantime, I had better check my collection of Schick and Gillette razor blades. Their numbers are also high — more sales, more coupons — and about 50 disposable razors are stored just below the toothpaste community.

If you see me around, and my face is hacked, scratched and gouged ... like I lost a fight to a cat ... you’ll know razor blades also go bad.