Ronald B. Herberman got people talking this week.

Herberman — Dr. Herberman to his pals at the University of Pittsburgh’s Cancer Institute — warned faculty and staff to limit use of cellphones. He believes there’s a possible cancer risk.

The man is basing his alarm on early, unpublished data. He wants to take action now, just in case facts about portable telephones are as dismal as he thinks they are.

I like Herby already. Anything that gets people talking less, spewing fewer meaningless words into these stupid phones, is fine by me. Seems everywhere I go — trains, shopping malls, supermarkets, movie theaters, men’s rooms — someone is yakking about nothing. And cars! I’ve railed against this before, but driver’s seats have become the new telephone booths: Too many of us believe starting the ignition and dialing a friend must be done at the same time.

I use my cellphone a couple times a month. It’s usually for a reason — I’m going to be late for an appointment, I’ve just left the house, I need a cab, I need a tow truck. That kind of stuff. I probably sound like a 90-year-old fist-shaker coming down on the cellphone nation, but can’t anyone else appreciate the annoyance factor that comes when you hear some hapless dope punch in a number and say, “ Yeah, it’s me. What’s up? Nothing? Same here. Yeah.”

Can you imagine if Dr. Herberman is right? What if there is a direct link between cellphone use and cancer? Will people be able to quit, and take a 25-year technological sack?

Doc, you can have my cellphone tomorrow.

* Tip question

Was out for a quick beer with a companion the other night — Heineken’s passable Buckler — and an alert waiter showed up with the check.

I tossed down some bills, and waited for the new, inevitable question from restaurant staffers: “Will you need change back?”

I’m used to it now, but it’s still an annoyance. It’s sort of asking “Hey, can I keep the change?”

Anyone else get this? I always leave a decent tip for good service. This query from waiters and waitresses just rubs me the wrong way. If I’m leaving a $50 bill, I generally must answer, “Yeah, I need change back.” I’m not going to stiff the guy, I just need some fives and singles to do the right thing.
I think the best thing a waiter can do is leave the check, accept payment, and if cash is part of the transaction, bring back the change. Let me decide the tip.

Honest ... I’m not going to stiff you.

* Lost at the laundry

Some people lose socks in their clothes dryers. I don’t have that problem, probably because I don’t have a clothes dryer.

My problem is receipts for the dry cleaners. Every couple weeks, I drop off a couple pair of pants. The clerk fills out a slip, tacks a pink copy to my wardrobe and hands me the green copy.

The idea is, when I return to pick up starched and stitched slacks, I fork over the green slip, fork over my dough and walk out of the place with my sharp-dressed man costumes.

But I can never find the damn slip. Ever.

I’ve made conscious attempts to fold the thing into my wallet, tuck it into my car’s cup holder, stick into the pocket inside my car keys. Days later, they have vanished: I can never find my paper for the dry cleaners, and feel like a goof when I have to settle up.

I’m not alone. Clerks use last names or telephone numbers to locate clothes on their mechanical clothes racks, so customers don’t really need the green copies in the first place.

Someday, I think I’m going to find dozens of these slips in the bathroom medicine chest. Or some other strange place.

* Chill factor

I’m getting a kick out of the latest advertisements for Coors Light, now my second-favorite beer.

Regular readers know I’m on the Coor non-alcoholic kick, so my refrigerator is stocked with the golden-tinged cans.
There are no blue facsimiles of the Rocky Mountains on the “golden bullets.” They are reserved for brown bottles and silver cans of Coors Light.

About a year ago, Coors began a new innovation. Once the “mountains” on bottle labels had turned “blue” in the ‘fridge, the company shilled, the beer was cold enough to drink. The latest ads say the “technology” has spread to the canned products.

I have to laugh, as Bill Murray said in “Caddyshack.” Who needs these blue mountain reminders? If I grab a beer — or a Pepsi — out of the ice box and it’s kind of lukewarm, I put it back. If I grab another one and it’s cold, I pop the top.

It’s that easy: Put your hand on the bottle, your hand gets cold, that means permission to pour has been granted.

Maybe Dr. Herberman should look into this frosty tech Coors is using on their products. Who knows what kind of trouble all these cold blue mountains are causing!