SOX IT TO ME!

My Baltimore Orioles finally won a game Wednesday night, piling up more home runs in an 11-3 win over Chicago’s White Sox. Wait ‘til next year.

I was more interested in the other 11-3 game in the American League. As one of the New York Yankees many detractors, I watched Boston dismantle the pinstripers the same way a mean ol’ tomcat delivers swift justice to an insolent crow.

There were miniature dramas all night. When New York manager Joe Girardi pulled corpulent starter Sidney Ponson off the mound in the fifth inning, it looked like Lee Marvin wheeling “Battling Maxo” out of the Twilight Zone’s boxing ring. Poor Maxo, the futuristic robot fighter, was always breaking down. Sidney might need a complete overhaul after last night’s beating.

Speaking of Joe, he looked as scared as a crow tied to a scratch pad as he fiddled in the dugout. After Dustin Pedroia’s grand slam in the eighth inning, he reminded me of Carlo Rizzi, near the end of “The Godfather,” when Michael Corleone shows up to settle family business. Carlo had to answer for Santino; Joe has been answering questions all week about the Yanks’ fading prospect for October baseball.
The New York win Thursday afternoon may not change much. Bonasera — the undertaker who owed Don Corleone a service — may soon be showing up at Yankee Stadium!

BONAVENTURE DREAMING

Dan Collins didn’t have a horse in last weekend’s Travers Stakes. But the founder and manager of Bona Venture Stables in Painted Post could dream about the future from his seat in the clubhouse.

“You always hope that you’re going to have that classic winner, but we’re trying to be realistic,” Collins said of his new, 12-horse stable, which includes two-time Saratoga starter Bonaventure Dreams. “We have a group of about 35 people and about half of them went to St. Bonaventure University with me. We’re trying to buy some modestly priced horses, we’re focusing on New York breds and we’re trying to have some fun.”

Collins, who graduated from the Allegheny (near Olean) University in 1973, might land in the Travers field some other year.

“There’s always that next Funny Cide out there somewhere,” Collins said of the celebrated New York bred who won the 2003 Kentucky Derby and Preakness. “Maybe we’ll be the guys to find him.”

Lisa Merolle was also at the Travers. Merolle graduated from Niagara University – traditional athletic rival to St. Bonaventure – and doesn’t own any race horses.

But on Travers Day, she had a deep stable of friends at the track, most of them 1995 Niagara graduates.

“It’s a college reunion,” she said. “We came from Rochester, Buffalo, Maine and Philadelphia. I’m from Latham. We just started coming one year, we started in 2003.”

The friends all wore white T-shirts emblazoned with “2008 ‘Toga Party at the Travers” in royal blue. Merolle couldn’t explain why purple, Niagara’s primary school color, was not part of the design.
“But we have pretzels from Philly and cheese from Maine,” she said. “It’s a lot of fun and a great atmosphere. Half of us aren’t even betting.”

Merolle would have had no interest in backing Bonaventure Dreams.
“Purple Eagle ran a couple of weeks ago,” she said, aware of the connection to Niagara’s sports nickname. “But he didn’t win.”

EIN PROSIT!

Autumn is my time of year. Hazy, humid days move out cool, crisp days move in. Reds and golds in the trees, golfing in the fall, baseball playoffs, fires in the fireplace, college football and Oktoberfests are all on the menu.

And there’s nothing like a good Oktoberfest to put you in the mood for fall. I’m putting a German-themed story together, and have been talking to some of the guys at Albany’s German-American Club on Cherry Avenue, off Fuller Road.
Killed two crows with one stone Wednesday night. Here’s how, with the back story first:

A couple of years ago, a Rexford man of German descent was clearing out his attic and was going to toss a full year’s collection of the Albany Daily Herald, a German language newspaper. Because of my affiliation with The Gazette’s history page, he thought maybe we could do something with them.

I wanted to keep the papers out of the landfill, so drove to Rexford and rescued the papers. They’ve been getting older, more yellow and more brittle since 2006. I thought the Newspaper Project, a group devoted to the preservation of old publications, might be interested. But the project has been discontinued. And I didn’t think the Schenectady County Historical Society would be interested, not in an Albany newspaper.

To make a long story even longer, I asked the German-American gang if they could use the newspapers. They said I could drop them off at their club during a Wednesday night card-playing session. I hauled in the big box, trailing bits and pieces of crumbled newsprint. Heinz and his friends were expecting just a few newspapers, not a 50-pound box and a bound volume. They said members who read German would get a kick out of the old news.

I stuck around and ordered a Spaten draft from the bar — didn’t want to insult my new friends by inquiring about Coors non-alcohol. Or any Coors’ bottles, for that matter.

Before leaving, I got the correct pronunciation for “Ein Prosit!” which means “A toast to you.”
Going to need that next month.

THE WURST STUFF

I don’t eat that much liverwurst. I don’t think anyone does.

But about once a year, I’m at my local Price Chopper, and get in the mood for a big liverwurst sandwich, iceberg lettuce and mayonnaise invited to the party.
That happened last week. Decided to buy a tube of Jones and a tube of Oscar Mayer, and wolfed down my annual quota of liverwurst sandwiches in two or three nights. I hate the ingredients, and won’t even look. Pork livers and hearts are mixed in with the assorted nitrates, and even writing that sentence makes me rethink the occasional worship of liver and assorted parts.

The answer is liberal doses of mayo or mustard. “Everything in moderation” does not apply here, as big condiments add to the big taste of this liver treat. Maybe it ... hides the flavor.

Next year, think Oscar is out. I kind of like the Jones version better.

HORN OF PLENTY

I am not a big fan of current technology.

No quibbles against LCD televisions, Internet shopping and microwave ovens.

But I hate cellphones, and have previously ranted about their idiotic uses in cars, supermarkets and trains.
Lately, I’m getting all these mini-bursts of car horn. Everywhere!

When people park their cars and jump out the doors, they don’t have to worry about locking up; the driver hits a button on his key chain and the doors lock, with the car sounding a staccato “beep” to let Joe Driver know the electronic job has been done. I never hear the quieter ones ... probably because they are so darn quiet!

I just lock my car doors; one key nails down all four. My 1998 Honda Civic is old tech, with no CD player, no GPS system, no automatic shout-out from the horn.

Whenever I hear one of these beeps in a parking lot, I always look up. It’s just another annoyance, and I can’t be the only guy who feels this way. Couldn’t Ford, Chevy and everyone else with the loud “show-off” system have invented a better system, with a quieter, non-threatening sound?

We have enough noise pollution already.

So that's all for my anti-tech rants for the year ... I promise!