NFL Picks, Week 17
Every year I participate in a Pigskin Pick’em group organized by an obnoxious friend of mine from high school who spends his Sundays doing nothing but watching NFL football. I spend very little time watching football, and yet I continue to dream of beating him. And so every week I dutifully make my picks.
As always, winning team in caps.
Tampa Bay at ATLANTA — The Buccaneers have nothing to play for. The Falcons want to maintain momentum as they head into the playoffs.
New York Jets at BUFFALO BILLS — Team Blowhard is in full-blown meltdown mode. In fact, I’m starting to feel a little sorry for coach Rex Ryan, despite his status as King Blowhard. The Bills are pretty lousy, and I swore I would never pick them again, but I also swore I would never pick the Jets again.
Baltimore at CINCINNATI — I am way behind in Pigskin Pick’em, which means I don’t have all that much to play for myself. So I am just going to pick teams I like. Which is why I am picking the Bengals to beat the Ravens.
Chicago at DETROIT — The Bears are inconsistent, but the Lions are consistently terrible.
Jacksonville at TENNESSEE — The horrible Jaguars looked halfway competent last week against the New England Patriots. But they will not beat the Titans, because that brief period of competence was a mirage.
Houston at INDIANAPOLIS — Here’s my theory: The Texans’ loss to the Patriots exposed some major flaws. The Colts will exploit those flaws on Sunday, and maintain their status as the NFL’s best feel-good story.
Carolina at NEW ORLEANS — This could be a fun game. New Orleans will win, but Cam Newton and the Panthers will make it interesting.
Philadelphia at NEW YORK GIANTS — The Giants will beat the hapless Eagles on Sunday, but it won’t be enough to get them into the playoffs.
Cleveland at PITTSBURGH — The Steelers will finish their disappointing season with a meaningless win over the Browns.
Kansas City at DENVER — Will the Broncos ever lose again?
GREEN BAY at Minnesota — The Vikings did pretty well this season. But they aren’t good enough to beat really good teams, such as the Packers.
Miami at NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS — After New England’s narrow victory over Jacksonville last week, Tom Brady went into the locker room and yelled at his teammates. I can’t say I blame him. They were awful! Hopefully they’ll get their act together this week against the Dolphins. Someone gave me a Patriots hoodie for Christmas, which I plan to wear during their games so I can pace around the living room and scowl like Bill Belichick. If they continue to play like they did against Jacksonville, I’m going to be scowling a lot.
Oakland at SAN DIEGO — This is the lamest game of the week. The Chargers will win, because they are not as lame as the Raiders.
Arizona at SAN FRANCISCO — The 49ers will rebound from last week’s loss to the Seahawks with a strong win over the Cardinals.
St. Louis at SEATTLE — The Seahawks are very good, and are poised for a playoff run. The Rams are sort of the opposite of that.
Dallas at WASHINGTON — Last week I decided that the Cowboys had turned over a new leaf, and had stopped losing games they should win. But I was wrong, and I apologize. The Cowboys are who we thought they were: a team that cannot be trusted. They will lose to the Redskins on Sunday, and finish the season on a low, disappointing note.
Week 16 results:
Me: 9-7 Overall: 147-92
My obnoxious friend: 10-6 Overall: 160-79
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