I have become so used to talking to children that last week in the kitchen, I found myself spelling out words to my staff.

“Where did you find the M-O-N-E ..." I intoned, not getting to finish before they burst out laughing.

I was really sheepish and attributed this error to my age, whereupon they all laughed again. Jay then sat me down and gave me a very stern lecture.

“My grandmother is younger than you,” he said. “She can’t drive anymore, and she just sits in her house and watches TV.

"I need you to keep Quest going for me”, he continued. “In September, I’m going back to school. I want to be a child psychologist. I think I can help kids. You need to be here so I can keep on.”

This is quite a statement coming from an ex-Cleanaz person. Indeed, one of the founding members of the Cleanaz, he has always been a special person to kids. He is the strong right arm of Quest, the one the boys listen to and respect.

We have staff training, he shines, “I never got to speak out in a group before. I like it.”

Incredibly intelligent and undervalued, he was the “man” in his family since he was 13, looking out for his two younger brothers and his older sister. He was the one his mother turned to when trouble threatened. He didn’t really get to know his father until he was 17 and he and his mother took the visitors bus to Attica Prison.

Jay was the young boy (12 or so years old) in the GE ad who looked into the camera and, smiling his beautiful smile, said, “I love math.”

He never received anything, not an iota of compensation for that campaign thought up and designed by GE. This spot was meant to show the community at large how caring and dedicated GE. was, showing a spokesperson donating 24 computers to Oneida Middle School.

That little three-minute TV blip was shown for years on every TV station for miles around. It was dragged out yet again to put a good face on GE’s philanthropy during the Hudson River dredging controversy.

By then, Jay was 19, a stepfather and struggling with life, money and a small-time jail record. He certainly could have used a hand, a pat on the back, a boost, anything. Anything at all. But nothing came, as usual, in Jay’s life; life just went on.

I remember well, at that time we were late, Jay and I driving to the school bus stop to pick up his stepson, Kay-Shawn. This dear young man with the dazzling smile was in tears.

“How could you forget him, he is my heart,” he kept saying.

Indeed Kay-shawn calls him dad and always says that Jay is his real dad, “because Jay takes care of me”

Now Jay has a 2-year-old child of his own and is beginning to look, just a teeny-teeny bit like a surburban dad. Carrying one and holding the hand of another, his major problem at the moment is how not to spoil them too too much.

I fear for Jay, as I fear for all the young black males on the Hill. I want so much to see him go forward, we fight over this from time to time.

What Jay does not understand is this: I could never forget you Jay, for you are truly my heart.

QUEST is a community-based organization that provides a safe environment, free meals, counseling, art and recreation programs that keep Hamilton Hill children in school, out of trouble and on track for better lives. For more information on QUEST, visit www.questkids.net.