Practical Psychology: Keeping communication simple can create happiness

The presidential election is finally history. For years prior to the election, we were bombarded with communications, sound bites, complicated concepts and emotional verbiage. I wonder how much of this seemingly endless communicating was psychologically healthy.

Communication defines the quality of our relationships. Communication is the “stuff of life.” There are only two healthy principles of effective communication: sharing information and exchanging care. Since sharing is a mutual activity, when we share information, we listen first. We open our minds and hearts to what is true, necessary and nurturing. We seek first to understand. Secondly, we speak of our thoughts, feelings, needs and desires. We speak honestly, clearly and directly, and we expect to be understood.

When we exchange care, we label and express our love for each other without fear of the other’s response. We listen to the other’s heartfelt communication. We express our genuine compassion for the other and his/her well-being.

Growing complexity

In our childhood families, simple communication is often absent. Accurate, simple information is not always shared. Caring is not always exchanged. When hidden motives, double meanings, deception, lies, secrets and manipulations characterize our family patterns of communication, we grow up listening for what is not said, what is really meant, what might hurt us, and what we may need to protect ourselves from. The focus of our attention is not on the simple, the obvious, nor the present moment. When other family members never listened to us, we felt unimportant, neglected and not worthy of attention and care.

We often make our lives more complicated than they need be. When our childhood is distressed, we often overlook the power of the single action, the simple sentence, the uncomplicated gesture. We don’t trust the simple. We find only the complex is of value. We pride ourselves in the complexity of our minds, our relationships and our lifestyles. We fail to appreciate simple elegance. We miss the beauty of a caring gesture. We miss the healing of a single word or touch. We miss the fulfillment of a honest, loving moment.

When we are attentive to the simplicity of the moment, alive to the present instant, it becomes more difficult, if not impossible, to view life through the lens of our past. Memories and habits of our childhood have less impact on our present lives.

Simple principles

Life itself is very simple. We are the ones that make it complicated. Here are some simple, but powerful principles, simply expressed, any one of which, if followed, can make a profoundly positive difference in your life:

Speak the truth. Love your neighbor as yourself. Revere life. Simplify. Be happy. Enjoy yourself. Travel lightly. Act kindly. Be gentle. Breathe deeply. Focus your attention. Be aware. Learn through practice. Take action. Exercise. Eat right. You reap what you’ve sown. Take charge of yourself. Act compassionately. Know yourself.

Make a plan. Think ahead. Laugh a lot. Be fully conscious. Practice creativity. Accept everything, condone little. Read great books. Forgive everything. Judge not. Be peaceful inside. Be a friend. Cooperate. Fear not. Share. Learn as you go. Make conscious choices. Preserve nature. Understand natural laws. Make music. Live abundantly. Death is inevitable. Care for children. Perform useful work. Practice stillness. Be well. Take full responsibility for yourself.

Accumulate only what you need. Let go of the past. Live in the present moment. Think positive thoughts. Do small things with great caring. Be generous. Know yourself. Be curious. Appreciate the little things. Dream big dreams. Risk making mistakes. Create your happiness. Pursue your envisioned future.

Wise words

Pastoral counselor Wayne Muller writes, “When our eye is attuned only to things dramatic, sophisticated, or spectacular, we may miss the birth of something strong, simple, and beautiful right in front of us.”

Communicate information and care with simplicity and truthfulness. Make your communication reflect both your heart and your intellect, and your relationships to yourself, others, and the world will dramatically improve, perhaps even be healed.

Henry David Thoreau wrote, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.” Communicate simply. Live simply. Live and communicate in the present, while dreaming a brighter future, and you will certainly experience more joy in your being alive.